


Self Defense

by Sue Corkill (mscorkill)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 15:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscorkill/pseuds/Sue%20Corkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth discovers an unexpected vulnerability.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Defense

**Author's Note:**

> For the Sheppard/Weir LJ Ficathon. Written for Illman; challenge requirements: the ATA gene, some h/c, a new discovery.
> 
> Originally posted September 2005

SELF DEFENSE

Elizabeth stood silently in the arched doorway that led to the exercise room and watched as Teyla went through a routine, performing what Elizabeth suspected were carefully choreographed moves that reminded her of a graceful ballet. If Teyla knew she was being watched, she gave no indication, her hair and skirt swirling in unison as she leapt gracefully into the air, and with a cat-like agility, landed right in front of her. 

Solemnly bringing the two sticks together in front of her, Teyla made an elegant half bow and without even breathing heavily asked, “Doctor Weir, how may I help you?”

Elizabeth’s lips twitched in a slight smile. How like the Athosian to cut right to the point. “I’d like you to teach me how to do that.” Elizabeth gestured towards the two smooth, wooden staves Teyla now clutched loosely in one hand. 

A brief frown fluttered across the girl’s face before she answered. “It takes many years of practice to be able to use these in combat.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath. She knew she wasn’t expressing herself well and part of her was afraid to even put into words the real reason she was here, but that was part and parcel of what she needed to overcome. And she trusted that Teyla would keep her confidence. “I want you to teach me to defend myself.”

The look of confusion on Teyla’s face increased. “Perhaps Major Sheppard would be better qualified to teach you such skills.”

Elizabeth felt a brief flutter of panic, but years spent negotiating kept it off her face. John was the one person she **couldn’t** ask, he wouldn’t understand. And she didn’t want to ask any of the other military personnel. Elizabeth kept her voice calm and even when she replied. “Major Sheppard is very adept at various modes of combat, but he thinks from a military viewpoint. I want someone who thinks from a female perspective.”

Teyla’s eyes flashed with understanding. “I believe I can help you, Doctor Weir.”

“Call me Elizabeth,” she smiled.

Teyla nodded. “Do you wish to start now, Elizabeth?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elizabeth shifted slightly in her chair, striving to keep focused on Carson as he explained the refinements he and his research staff had made in the ATA gene. It was information she really needed to focus on, but with every muscle in her body aching, it was damn hard. She knew her body would become used to the unaccustomed exercise in time, but that didn’t do much to help her current situation. 

She had been pleased to discover that she had a natural flair for the physically challenging routines, all those years of ballet and dance were finally paying off, she decided with a slight smile. But that didn’t lessen the various aches and pains. Teyla had proved to be a demanding teacher, for which Elizabeth was grateful. And while she had always thought she was in relatively good shape, her workouts with Teyla were proving her wrong. But she felt good that she was able to do something—

“Doctor Weir?”

Belatedly she realized he’d finished speaking while her thoughts were drifting. “Yes, Carson, I’m sorry.”

“Any questions?”

Her mind raced back over what Carson had been saying. “Ah, no.” She smiled graciously, closing down her laptop. “You and your staff are doing excellent work, as always.”

Carson smiled, apparently wiling to ignore her momentary lapse in attention. “I’ll get back to my lab then.” He stood, picking up his papers and leaving her office.

Elizabeth sighed and wished—for not the first time—that there was a hot tub on Atlantis. A sharp rap on the door frame roused her from her hot tub fantasy. John Sheppard stood in the doorway.

“Yes, John?”

He smiled crookedly and came in, sitting casually in the chair opposite her desk. “Have you given any more thought to my suggestion?”

Carefully folding her hands in front of her, she spoke evenly. “Yes, I have. I appreciate your offer, but as I told you then, I will not carry a gun while in Atlantis.”

“Dammit, Elizabeth!” He sat up straighter; his easy smile disappeared and he glared at her. “I can’t believe you would refuse to protect yourself after what almost happened with Koyla and the Genii.”

He was trying to intimidate her, but it took more than an irate Air Force Major to ruffle her calm. “I appreciate your concern, John.” She couldn’t help but wonder what had brought on this rather belated concern, but she was always diplomatic. “I really do. But don’t worry about me.”

His expression softened, his dark eyes suddenly full of a tenderness that had appeared more frequently since the attempted takeover by the Genii. “But I do worry about you, Elizabeth.” 

His voice was low and intimate and she felt herself succumbing to his tender charm. But Simon’s beloved face materialized in front of her, her fingers automatically seeking out the heart she wore around her neck. “I can take care of myself, Major.” Her voice was sharper than she’d intended, but it had the desired effect.

“Very well, Doctor Weir.” John snapped right back, the tenderness in his eyes replaced with anger. ‘I’ll be sure and remember that the next time your life is threatened by a madman.” And with that parting shot, Sheppard stalked out of her office.

Elizabeth sighed, burying her face in her hands. She liked John, she really did, and that was a big part of the problem. It frightened her how easy it would be to share her burdens with him, an indulgence she had never before allowed herself. But then of course, before now she’d always had Simon to lean on when it all became too much. Her radio chirped, sounding annoyingly loud in the quiet room.

“Doctor Weir?”

Putting her melancholy thoughts away, sat up straighter. “Yes, Teyla?”

“Are we not scheduled to meet today?”

Elizabeth glanced quickly at her watch, she was late. “I’m sorry, Teyla, I’ll be right there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elizabeth was drenched with sweat and breathing hard and they were only halfway through their workout. She let out a small ‘oomph’ when she hit the mat, but bounded right back up. Even though she was getting better at taking falls, she still didn’t like them any better. After what seemed a small eternity—and after much coaching—she finally managed to successfully execute the break and throw Teyla was teaching her. Elizabeth smiled in triumph and held out her hand, helping Teyla to stand.

“Very good, Elizabeth,” Teyla congratulated her and then frowned. “It would be better though if you had a larger opponent to practice with. Perhaps Major Sheppard—“

“No,” Elizabeth broke in, “not Major Sheppard.” Wiping her face with a towel, she forced herself to continue more calmly. “I’m sure Major Sheppard has more important duties. I’ll find someone else for our next session.”

“As you wish.” Teyla pulled four staves from her bag and handed two to her. “I believe you are now ready to learn the basics.”

Elizabeth smiled, running her fingers along one of the pieces of wood, admiring the carvings and the warm feel of the wood. They were light, yet surprisingly substantial, and even she could tell they were well balanced. When she looked up, Teyla smiled in understanding and held one of her staves out in front of her. “You hold them like this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For once, Elizabeth arrived before Teyla. Unpacking her staves, she started working her way through the warm-up routine. After almost a month of training and arduous work, she finally felt like she was actually accomplishing something. Oh, she was no where close to being in Teyla’s league, but she had mastered the basic moves and she certainly felt more confident in her ability to defend herself. 

The whole ordeal with Koyla had shaken her badly, more than she’d admitted to anyone—especially John after his less than sympathetic response. Teyla suspected, Elizabeth was sure, but said nothing, merely offering her support and incredible patience while teaching her. Even Sergeant Mather had been unexpectedly solicitous and long-suffering. Teyla had finally convinced her to enlist some ‘male’ help; and after his initial reluctance, the brawny sergeant had been a willing helper, letting Elizabeth practice her self-defense moves on him. He had even maintained his good-nature when she’d inadvertently given him a black eye.

Elizabeth paused, only slightly out of breath, and checked her watch. It wasn’t like Teyla to be late. She activated her radio. “Teyla?”

“Teyla won’t be joining you today.”

She whirled around. Sheppard stood in the doorway, dressed in his workout gear, two identical staves hanging loosely from one hand. He looked casual, alert and as deadly as a tiger. The fine hairs on the back of neck stood up. “John.”

“Elizabeth,” he drawled, walking slowly toward her. She forced herself to stand her ground, though he continued to remind her of a giant cat stalking its prey. “Why didn’t you tell me Teyla was teaching you to fight?”

Alert and on her guard, Elizabeth gripped her staves as Teyla had taught her, resting her weight lightly on the balls of her feet. “I wasn’t aware I had to report to you, Major.”

“Oh, all activities on Atlantis are my concern, Doctor.” He circled her and Elizabeth followed, not letting herself get distracted by his stalling tactic—or the low, seductive tone of his voice.

“How did you find out?” Elizabeth was positive neither Teyla nor Mather would have told him.

He twirled the stave in his right hand. “Sergeant Mather’s black eye aroused my curiosity.”

Elizabeth winced at the memory. And she wouldn’t fault Mather for telling John, after all he was the man’s commanding officer. John stopped moving and held his staves straight up in front of him. Elizabeth adopted the same pose and took that brief moment to study her opponent. The man staring back at her was almost a stranger; his normally laughing and smiling eyes were now cold and predatory. And his smile was almost chilling. She had faced down similar stares before, across the negotiating table from men who had misjudged her resolve and fortitude because she was a woman. She knew she was outmatched when it came to actually fighting John, but she would never give him—or any opponent—the satisfaction of admitting that.

Initiating the formal bow that signified the start of their match, she was pleased by the brief flash of surprise on John’s face. She might not have the physical strength or skills to defeat him, but if she could even knock him off balance once, she’d be satisfied. He immediately took the offensive and Elizabeth easily parried his attack, moving with less skill and grace than John, but she countered his every move. When he broke off the attack, she was breathing heavily while he was barely winded.

“Very nice, Elizabeth,” he murmured, once more circling her. “Teyla has taught you well.”

“Thank you.” That she managed to reply without sounding too winded, which pleased her.

“Let’s see what else she’s taught you.” His eyes gleamed and he attacked with more vigor than before. But Teyla **had** taught her well and she used her slighter strength and quicker agility to her favor. John broke off the attack and Elizabeth was pleased to see approval in his eyes. But then they narrowed and they were once more circling each other. 

“So tell me Elizabeth, why ask Teyla to teach you and not me?”

She had known this moment would come, when he’d find out and demand an explanation. And she had wondered what she would tell him. And she found herself still unable to confide in him. “You wouldn’t understand.”

John’s eyes flashed with annoyance, just as she’d expected. “Try me.”

“I wanted to learn how to defend myself.” Her answer held enough of the truth that she hoped it would satisfy his curiosity.

“So, I’ll ask you again. Why Teyla and not me?”

She didn’t want to answer him, she didn’t want to admit to him how scared she’d been, how she’d needed his support—and how he had casually brushed her off. 

_‘You okay?’_

_‘No.’_

_‘You will be.’_

Her anger with him was irrational and didn’t make sense. She had needed something more from him and it scared her that she could be that vulnerable. But she refused to give in to him and she wouldn’t explain herself, so she attacked.

It was a short-lived assault and Elizabeth realized just how much John had been holding back in their two previous scuffles. She feinted to the left, but he obviously anticipated her move because the next thing she knew, her two staves went flying and he held her pinned back against his hard body. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she was breathing hard. He held her firmly and she had to remind herself that it was John who held her captive before the small rush of panic inside her destroyed her fragile control. 

It was eerily similar to before…with Koyla. She couldn’t move, her neck was bent back at an uncomfortable angle against his shoulder, the smooth wood of the stave cool against her exposed throat. She gripped the rod with both hands, vainly trying to pull away, but he was too strong.

“John….” Her voice quivered slightly, betraying her.

“Is this why you wanted to learn to fight?” His voice was low in her ear, she could feel his warm breath wash across her skin. She shivered when she felt the light brush of his fingers along her jaw line. “So that when you’re held against your will, you can defend yourself?”

It was like he could read her thoughts and she’d had enough. Twisting suddenly, she hooked one foot behind his ankle—and then her world spun and she found herself flat on her back on the mat with John straddling her hips. She twisted under him and grabbed at the remaining stave he held. He grunted when she made contact with her fist in his gut, but then he tossed the stave aside and pinned her arms down on the mat. She was furious and impotent in his grasp, almost immobile beneath his heavier weight, his hands keeping her wrists firmly pinned.

“I can teach you better than either Teyla or Mather. I can show you how to fend off an attack from Koyla—or anyone else.” His voice was rough and he was breathing hard.

Frustration and hurt pride found her blurting out something she’d never meant to reveal. “You acted like you didn’t care.”

He abruptly released her hands and sat back on his knees over her. “Is that what this is all about? You don’t think I care?”

Elizabeth quickly scooted out from under him, but remained sitting on the mat, hugging her knees to her chest. John looked hurt and bewildered and she wondered tiredly if she could make him understand. “After the Genii left, you asked me if I was okay.”

He nodded, moving to sit facing her.

“I said no, and you said I would be.” He nodded again, his dark eyes intent and Elizabeth knew she had his full attention. “Well, I’m still waiting to feel okay, John.” She could feel the choking sensation of tears she refused to shed closing up her throat. “I don’t feel safe in Atlantis anymore.”

“I can’t give you back what that bastard stole from you.” John’s voice was grim. “But I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

Unexpectedly, her aggravation and irritation melted away with his sincerity; she was incredibly touched by his promise. It wasn’t like her to admit to any vulnerability, but maybe with John she could. It was surprisingly lonely at the top, but maybe it wouldn’t be quite so lonely if she lowered her defenses and let John in. Her lips curved in a slight smile. “I’ll hold you to that promise.”

John jumped to his feet, his trademark cocky grin once more in place and her insides lurched in response. She accepted the hand he held out to her, letting him pull her to her feet. “You’ll find I’m a man of my word, Elizabeth.” 

His hand tightened around hers for the briefest of moments and she returned the gentle squeeze. “Of that I have no doubt, Major.”

THE END


End file.
